Saturday, May 28, 2005

***what hurts...***

:: letting go of a person u've just learned to love
:: reminiscing the good times u shared together
:: shielding ur heart to love somebody
:: trying to hide what u really feel
:: trying to hide the tears that involuntarily fall from ur eyes
:: loving a person too much
:: giving up someone u never thought of giving up
:: having the right love at the wrong time
:: taking the risk to fall in love again
:: hiding ur relationship from someone else
:: controlling ur feelings to avoid hurting a friend
:: thinking of him every waking and sleeping
moment knowing all the while that he never even thinks a
single thought of you...
:: letting go, because everytime you see the
person, you only fall deeper
:: holding back only to find out when it's too late,
you both felt the same way, but were only scared
to lose each other so much that you didn't let the
feelings out
:: falling inlove with someone you didnt mean to fall
inlove with
:: finding the perfect guy...with only one
prob....he doesnt love you...
:: helping the one you love court your friend
:: seeing the one you love crying for someone else
:: the waiting also hurts like hell
:: having to hear "... I've met someone"
:: agreeing to his wish to 'just be friends'.
:: asking his freedom back bcoz 'he'd be happier
with her'
:: asking u to 'forget that everything happened'and
be 'normal' friends again.
:: hearing that u're treated as a sis (ouch!)
:: sharing his future plans for the girl with you.

:: u stopped being friends bcoz his gf asked him to.
:: being denied in front of people.
:: telling u lies where he'd been when actually,
he was with a 'new friend' or an 'old flame'(whew!)
:: he told u he'd be leaving u to return to his
ex (d one he left 4 u!)
:: breaking someone's heart
:: fighting for that one thing that would make you happy
:: that is, holding on to a person who can
not guarantee you his commitment unless he fix
himself...then, you are left hanging for the
moment...then he says, time will tell... but
you still decided to hope in him and trust him
:: PRETENDING you're OK when inside you're dying...
:: PRETENDING to be strong.... and RECOGNIZING
your weakness
:: lying in bed each night, thinking of that special
person you can never have...

:: being with someone you can't actually love...
:: pretending you don't love a person whom you
actually love...
:: being in love...
:: letting go even if you really don't want to...
having no right to say you are hurting because it
was your decision
:: seeing the person you love hurt because of
you...and not being able to help that person...
:: having the courage to say I LOVE YOU to
the person you love and finding out afterwards
that things will never be the same again when he/she
doesnt treat you with the same closeness as before
:: having to face the fact that someone is capable
of completely destroying the wall that you have set
for yourself, leaving you weak and vulnerable
:: admitting that you love someone despite his
imperfections
:: finding out that the more you try to hate him,
the more you end up loving him, perhaps even
more than before
:: realizing how stupid your mistakes were that
led to your break-up.
:: the thought that this guy, used to really love you
and you loved him as well but you didn't give
enough and he gave up on you
:: Sharing the one you love with SOMEBODY
else..."
:: making a promise....and realizing that
when the time has come for that promise to be
delivered....the commitment is no longer there...
:: the hardest thing about love - believing it
exists.

After you've been hurt...
...learn to forgive
...learn to trust and love again

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Wednesday, May 18, 2005

confessions of a..

hate being one!
*tsk,tsk* poor me.. =p

sorry guys,i have to make this one not easily readable. dont mind this one. it's pure non sense!

it's been over a month.eto na nman ako. drama queen na ata ko. paulit-ulit nlang ang mga cnsabi ko. nakakasawa na nga ata para sa mga taong nakikinig sakin. ang hirap. ang daming bawal sakin ngayon pero gngawa ko pa din. bawal ako magpuyat because of my eyes,palagay ko bawal din ako umiyak. DAMN! di mahalaga ang monthsary para sa iba dba? kelan lang naman nauso yan. pero wat if 50th monthsary?! wala lang. nagdaramdam lang ako. naghintay ako sa wala. simpleng tawag o text lang. kung ayaw nman pwede naman sabihin dba?! kya lang naghintay ako. masisisi mo ba ko?! masama bang maghintay para kahit saglit lang maging masaya ako, magkaron man lang ng inspirasyon para sa kinabukasan. Nakalimutan ko na kc kung pano ngumiti, ung ngiting galing sapuso. nakalimutan ko na kung pano maging masaya. miss na miss ko na nga ung pakiramdam. ang tagal na kc.
ang sakit pala ng ganito noh.ung kayo pero parang di kayo..mahirap ba ibigay ung honesty? all i ask lang naman eh ung sabihin niya sakin ung totoo.kahit masakit mas matatanggap ko un kesa ganito. ung nasasaktan ako ng di ko alam kung bakit. he makes me suffer for problems or reasons that i dont even know. and that is soo unfair.di naman ako manghuhula. bakit pinatatagal pa dba?? pano ko maniniwalang mahal nia ko gaya ng cnasabi nia kung ganito.
ayokong kinakaawaan ako ng ibang tao,pero masisisi ko ba sila kung ako nga naaawa sa sarili ko.pero masisisi din ba nila ko kung ayaw ko makinig sa knila. ang tanga tanga ko noh?? khit na nsasaktan na ko, wala pa din akong ibang inisip kundi cia,cia,cia!!! kahit wala ciang pakialam.kahit walang ciang kahit konti man lang concern.. eto ako nagpapakamanhid na lang. hangga't kaya cge pa.pero parang bibigay na ko. di ko na ata kaya. kala ko kc nung una..ok lang ako.pero kahit katawan ko sumusuko na. naaapektuhan na. kaw ba naman di makatulog. di makakain. nagpapakapagod para hindi mag isip. para makalimot. hanggang kelan kaya. wala nman ibang makakatulong sakin eh..kundi ung taong dahilan kung bakit ako nasasaktan.
sana lang, marealize niya kung gano nia ko nasasaktan. alam kong alam niya, ang tanong eh..kung anong balak niya. nakakapagod na eh. hirap magpanggap na ok ka pero sa totoo lang kelangan mo ng balikat na maiiyakan. hirap ung kahit na nasan ka parang gusto tumulo ng luha mo.ang hirap. ang hirap-hirap!
amfootah!!!
kelan ba to matatapos.
amfootah!!!
kelan ba ko magiging masaya.
AMFOOTAH!!!!!

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Friday, May 13, 2005

-=you'll be dead!=- *winkz*

another stressful week passed me by. *sigh*
but im pretty much doing ok. i never realize how time flies so quickly when you're busy.last monday was my first day in training for english proficiency & the likes. competition is tough this days especially in the call center industry so i have to have an edge among other applicants..plus,you really got to have american accent when u want a career in call centers coz basically you'll be talking to american clients. hopefully,after this training i'll be good enough coz i badly need a j-o-b! why??i wanna earn my own money. i have a lot of things i wanna buy for myself. hehe. 2nd,i want to divert my attention to other things cos i just have to or i'll go crazy. 3rd,i need money to fulfill my fantasy of travelling anywhere i wanna go. hihi! i dont wna bore u guys..let's get down to the bottom line.

one of the best things that happened this week was the return of METEOR GARDEN.
meteor garden: my favorite!

thanks to abs!=) we have to admit that MG started what we fondly call now the koreanovelas craze.. (though f4 & barbie were not really koreans,they're chinese.)MG for me is still the no.1 among all the series that i've watched. super favorite ko tlga to promise. i wouldn't get tired of watching it over and over again. honestly, whenever i feel sad,i watch my tapes (yeah,i recorded each & every episode of MG, i never want to buy dvd copies,i wnt the dubbed versions.Ü) & i still cry over the senti moments and get kilig with dao & shancai. :)
besides, F4's still the H-O-T-T-E-S-T!

unfortunately though, i dont get to watch "sweet 18". it's a koreanovela nman sa channel 7. i found the trailer cute pa nman. minsan di ko din nman kc naaabutan cos of my training. too bad! :)
i guess that's all for now. have i said that DAO MING SI is mine?! hehe! :)
Ah Si! :)
you'll be DEAD if u stare too much! :)

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Monday, May 09, 2005

cRuShin'.. =p

WARNING: This blog post is too HOT to handle! =)

I've been watchin' a bit of Memories of Bali,the koreanovela that replaced Lovers in Paris' timeslot. And lately, i've been drooling over:

Jo In-Sung

Jo In-Sung a.k.a. Paolo

He has this "bad boy" appeal and those smiles...damn! They're for me! haha!:) On the other hand, there's:

So Ji Sup

So Ji Sup a.k.a. Ryan

He has the face of an angel with an air of mystery. 'nuf said right?! *sigh*
I am wishful thinking. So lemme say that they're MINE ok?! =)
ciao...dont stare too much or else... *wink*

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Thursday, May 05, 2005

the WRITER in me.

first,i just have to say that i loved what i did in this particular photo. iba lang ang dating. it's like seeing right through me. u can see what's behind those eyes. i dont know if u feel the same.basta,this pic reveals my emotions.read on peeps...
damn!supah astig!

minsan akong tumayo sa harap ng isang mahaba at madilim na daan. humakbang ako ng ilang beses. wala akong makita.maraming tanong ang sumasagi sa isip ko.

"bakit nandito ako?"
"bakit pinili ko ang landas na to?"
"bakit nag-iisa ako?"

lumilipas ang mga araw.bawat araw ay katumbas ng isang hakbang sa patuloy kong pagtuklas kung anong meron sa landas na tinatahak ko.malapit na ko sa kalagitnaan, gusto kong lumingon pabalik upang gunitain ang mga alaala. tumulo ang luha sa aking mga mata. ramdam ko ang pangungulila sa aking pag-iisa. gusto kong marating ang dulo ng landas na tinatahak ko.baka sakaling mahanap ko ang mga sagot sa tanong ko. ngunit pinipigil ako ng pag-ibig na nagpupumiglas sa puso ko. bago pa tuluyang mahuli ang lahat muli akong humakbang. konti na lang mararating ko na ang dulo. marami pa ring tanong ang walang kasagutan.

"nasan ka?"
"bakit iniwan na?"
"darating ka ba?"

isang hakbang na lang. gusto kong lumingon muli pabalik. ngunit puno ako ng takot. puno ng pangamba. wala nang pag-asa. wala nang nadarama. manhid na nga ba ko? o patuloy ko pa rin kinikimkim sa loob ang mga nadarama. nanganganib na tumulo na naman ang mga luha.

pano kung paglingon ko,andun na sya..pano ang isang hakbang palayo?itutuloy ko pa ba?

pano kung paglingon ko wala sya,pano matatanggap ang kapalarang di kami para sa isa't isa?


this is what i get from being dramatic..i get to write stuffs that are either too personal or too mushy.i dont even know why im posting this in mah blog.well,maybe because im a frustrated writer. haha! cguro naman i need not elaborate cos i've written everything that i feel na in that essay whatsoever. i just feel good lang releasing something from within.
*sigh*
i h8 dramas.y cant life be completely fun?!=c

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